But... there are other things. Things that suck. We avoid them, bargin with our kids to get out of doing them, and we've been known to flat out ban them. We all have them; here's my top ten list:
10.) Reading dumb books.
Don't get me wrong- I LOVE to read. There is fantastic literature for kids out there, and I can't resist the classics like Where The Wild Things Are or I'll Love You Forever. We visit our local library at least once a week, and we read several books a day. So, you might ask, why is reading books on the list? Because I'm not talking about just any books... I'm talking about silly, illogical, dumbed down books. Books that read like an afterschool special (And it was okay Johnny forgot to wear his lucky socks to the race because everyone is a winner), books written specifically to promote a character or movie (ahem, Cars, Disney Princess, Marvel... I'm looking at you), books that promote a political agenda (why?! WHY?!), and books that are just plain boring. Now, normally if he picks these out at the library, I make him put them back. But, I guarantee you the days I don't play book nazi, I will be stuck for the following week reading that crap.
9.) Going to the park in the summer.
I'll be honest: I don't love the park. I like watching my kids play, and I love that they love the park. But me? I could take it or leave it. Except in the summer... then I have to muster up a fake smile when the big one asks to go to the playground, when really, all I want to say is, "Um, maybe you're not aware but the ground feels like LAVA and I'm pretty sure if I stay in this heat and humidity any longer I will have an afro and turn red like a lobster. And I'm almost positive that an afro on the koolaid man is not a good look for me." But the alternative is staying inside, in our tiny house and that equals messes. BIG messes. So, off to the park it is.
8.) Feeding a baby
 |
| Lane at about 18 months |
I know, I know, I know... this is like mommy-blasphemy. I really can't stand it though- the grabbing the spoon, blowing raspberries after a big bite of oatmeal, the nasty smell of jarred food. I'm pretty sure that the woman who came up with Baby Led Weaning felt the same way.
7.) Watching dumb movies and/or tv shows
Calliou- 'nuff said.
 |
| Yo Dawg- I heard you like boxes in yo boxes! |
6.) Juice Boxes
A childless person invented these; that is the only explanation as to why these seemingly genius drink holders will cover a child in sticky juice, at the slightest squeeze. Yes, I know they have juice box boxes, but it's ridiculous that one would need a box for a box. 5.) Toys that have removable pieces
Have you ever stepped on a Lego, or a Barbie shoe?
4.) Public restrooms
I could develop and prove a scientific theory about the attraction young children have to pooping in public restrooms. It's a fact: the smaller, dirtier, and smellier the restroom, the more urgently they will feel the need to relieve themselves.
3.) Cry rooms at church
Willy Wonka had a better group of children touring his factory, than the average church has sitting in it's cry room. Seriously- what gives? I have had to use a cry room only a few times in the 4+ years I've been taking a child to church, but every time it made me want to bang my head against a wall.
2.) Blowing bubbles
Ah, yes... bubbles. They're mesmerizing and beautiful, and as Paul Rudd's character in Knocked Up says, "I wish I loved anything as much as my kid loves bubbles." Unfortunately, blowing bubbles ranks up there as one of my least favorite things. The tedious, repetitiveness of it drives me crazy. Insert bubble wand, remove bubble wand, blow bubbles, get bubble liquid all down your arm, splatter bubble liquid all over yourself, replace wand, start again. Maybe it's just me, but bubble time always ends up with me wearing soapy water and someone spilling the giant bottle of Miracle Bubbles on accident.
1.) It goes by way too fast
I know, cliche... but it's so true. I'm pretty sure I was pregnant with the large one yesterday, and now? He's a giant that is able to hold full conversations with me. The tiny one, well, he isn't so tiny anymore. He's going to be one, and typing that makes tears well up in my eyes. How did this happen? And how do I make it stop? The thing is- I would read dumb books, in a public restroom, while blowing bubbles if it meant I could freeze time and have one more today.
There you have it... my ten things I hate. What's on your list?
0 comments:
Post a Comment